PMS

I know it is that time when the love song from Pretty Woman brings tears to my eyes...what the F...ok, this is a conspiracy...nonono James Blunt...now I'm really a wreck.

I've been really attached to all things Oprah right now. Girl has really turned it around...was disenchanted by the sad slit your wrists stories. Am now enchanted by the you can do anything and be really rich when your done stories...ahh yes, this is what I need to hear or see.

On that note...her recent show about donor kids as adults was fascinating. I have grappled with this for some time. When it became obvious I would not "accidentally" conceive the old fashioned way, (missing sperm and parts) I began really thinking about the alternative....

The bank.

I love the bank. I am so glad we have the bank. But I also wondered what the long-term identity issues would be in kids created...yes, created...in this way. I say created, because insemination does remove the fate component...it is choice -total well thought out, pre-meditated choice. As an adult wanting a baby, I can make that choice, but what does that mean to the offspring brought about in this way? Potentially NEVER knowing where half their DNA, history, family comes from or who they are. This plagued me. Then Oprah had a show about this very thing, and there were adult women on the show who were the product of sperm donation and they were not pleased. They felt lost in their identity and pulled toward a "father" that essentially does not exist for them. I was in such pain for them, that it solidified my decision to either adopt at some point, or not have children.

This is not a judgement towards people who use sperm donation, nor is this a decision come upon lightly, but the chance that my child would feel this way, and the fact that there would be no way for me to relieve that longing, is too much to bear. I know the old argument: deadbeat dad's or rape victims. But, again you have fate involved there...not too many women choose either of those scenarios, they are forced to make the best of the situation.

I'm just not convinced my desire to see my baby and have that experience is necessarily in the best interest of the future adolescent or young adult trying to find themselves in a world that is already chalk full of difficulty; under the best of circumstances...